If you’ve ever been through the loss of a pregnancy, you know how lonely and isolated it can feel. You may be feeling like you’re in this alone and that no one around you can relate, including your partner. However, to fully recover and move forward after your miscarriage, it’s important to give each other the support and love that will help you get through this difficult time together. Here are some tips on how to show up for your partner after a miscarriage so that you can take care of each other during this challenging time in your life together.
Support is Key
When a woman has a miscarriage, her partner often feels at a loss as to how he can support her. The first thing you need to realize is that your partner’s needs are going to change from day to day. So you must check in with her on an ongoing basis and adjust your level of support accordingly. In some cases, you might need to step back completely and give her space, while other times she may need your close physical proximity more than ever. Most importantly, make sure you’re both talking about what happened—and listen closely when she does talk about it. Actions speak louder than words and sometimes support comes in the form of action. Think about small things that can you can do to show love and support. Miscarriage gifts such as something tangible, something that can take things off of each other’s plate such as a service, or handwritten notes and messages can really help and go a long way.
Have Empathy for Yourself and Your Partner
You may feel completely exhausted and emotionally distraught, and your partner may not know how to best help you. This is normal—having empathy for each other will allow you both to show up and be there for one another. If your partner isn’t sure what to do or say, let them know that it’s okay; they don’t need to fix anything. Just having someone nearby can make all of the difference in how you both cope with such an immense loss.
If you feel like your partner doesn’t want to share his or her grief over losing a child (if he/she feels like their pregnancy was more real than yours) ask him/her how he/she feels—these feelings are real too, even if he/she doesn’t act like they are. You both need to deal with these feelings head-on so that you can fully heal together after your miscarriage. And remember: give yourself time before expecting to get back into intimacy or go back to normal. By giving yourself some extra time before assuming any sort of timeline, you’ll ensure that neither party experiences more stress than necessary during healing after miscarriage.
Take Care of Yourself
You must take care of yourself after a miscarriage. This isn’t about you abandoning your partner, but rather making sure that you have time to process what happened and grieve. You don’t need to sit in silence – your partner should know that – but there will be times when no one is around and you can let out some pent-up emotions on your own. It might make sense for one of you to take some time off work or school, or at least cut back on outside commitments so that both of you have more time together. It’s important that you both acknowledge this for each other.
Be Honest About Where You’re At
Don’t try to hide how you’re feeling from your partner after a miscarriage. It can be hard to discuss something as personal as infertility or miscarriage, but you’ll need his support now more than ever. Be sure that he understands what you’re going through and how he can best help you through it. The last thing either of you wants is a misunderstanding or a lack of communication in your relationship. Try being direct with him about what you need from him during this time, and consider asking friends and family members for their help too—they might know your partner better than you do!
Miscarriage is difficult, and there’s no right way or wrong way to go through it. It’s a personal experience that only you and your partner can determine how to face. The most important thing is making sure that both of you get support from one another—and from others who have been there before. If you or your partner have had a miscarriage, talk about it with other couples who have been through it, both inside and outside of your circle of friends and family.
