There’s no right way to cope with a divorce. It’s a major change that can bring up a range of tumultuous emotions, often all at once. You might be hurt, angry, confused and scared, regardless of who sought the divorce or if it was an amicable decision.
One thing does seem to be common, though: when a divorce is finalised and you’re able to move on with your life, it can be an incredibly exhilarating experience.
Divorce offers you a unique experience to get to know yourself again and be selfish. You have the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Once you’ve processed the initial shock and grief of losing a very real part of your identity as one half of a couple, life after divorce can be not just manageable but also enjoyable!
Get Your Ducks in a Row
Before you focus on your new future and what that might look like, you first need to ensure you have all your legal and finance paperwork in order. Divorces can drag on for a long time, and you might still feel the effects long after you’ve signed on the dotted line.
Getting your ducks in a row means making sure you have childcare or custody arrangements in place — if you have children with your spouse. It also involves understanding your separation rights, such as who gets to keep the family home, as well as separating your finances.
You’ll find it a lot easier to move on and co-parent (if applicable) if you have clear guidelines and boundaries in place. The last thing you want is to be pulled back into a dispute over shared finances when you’re trying to get on with your life.
Find a New Hobby
When you get divorced, the reality of being on your own may hit you particularly hard. But being alone doesn’t mean you should feel lonely. Finding a new hobby is a great way to keep yourself occupied, and you might even make some new friends. If you were married for a long time, you might find that most of your friends are also your spouse’s friends, and you might not want to be constantly reminded of the past or surrounded by loved-up couples.
Think about what you enjoy doing or what you’ve always wanted to do. Fancy going to a cooking class? Trying your hand at painting? Running a marathon? Allow yourself to leap into the unknown — it’s a massive self-confidence booster and a way to exercise your independence, and you might even find something new to be passionate about.
Put Yourself First
It can be hard to separate yourself from who you were when you were married. You might hesitate to put your own needs first out of habit — after all, a marriage is all about compromise on both sides.
But getting into the practice of being selfish is the best thing you can do to heal after your divorce and celebrate the start of this new and exciting (albeit sometimes scary) chapter of your life.
Getting into shape or choosing a new look is popular with many divorcees, as long as you don’t do it for the wrong reasons. Some even opt to jet off around the world on a single’s cruise. But the smallest steps can be the most impactful.
This may be as simple as redecorating your home to reflect your tastes. Let loose on displaying the knick-knacks you love but had to store away in a cupboard because your spouse thought they made the room cluttered. Paint your walls your favourite colour. Turn your bedroom into a haven of relaxation. Invest in a new mattress, splurge on blackout curtains and light some candles or an oil burner and fill the room with scents you love.
Adjusting to life after divorce can be tough, but, believe it or not, you’re past the worst of it. It’s easy to focus on divorce as the end of your relationship, but over time, you’ll realise it’s also the start of something new. And the best part? You get to decide what that something is.
Infographic Provided By Goldberg Law Office